It just had to be said

"Please don't put your brother's toes in your mouth."

"Please quit saying the word 'hookers' over and over. It's called a 'hook'."

"No, you cannot throw that wrapper out the window."

"No, the police will not send your brother to jail for littering, but he might get a ticket."

"No, not a ticket to the movies, a ticket that says you have to pay $50 to the police."

"No, you do not get a Nintendo DS from the police when you give them $50. You just give them your money to help you remember not to throw trash out the window again."

"No it is not too cold to play outside! It's June!"

"Please don't wipe that on me."

"Yes, that cheese does make you look like you have a mustache."

"Please don't put your feet above your head."

Belated post for Mother's Day

The kids all made cards at school this year for Mother's Day and mommy Madeline kept them all hidden until Sunday. They could not have been more excited about having a surprise for me! It was so cute to see the anticipation of knowing they'd done something "on their own" for me. Here are their precious works of art:

I couldn't believe the only thing she missed was my height. I was thrilled to find out that she knows I love me a spa day and that she remembers that I say, "God will help you anytime" instead of "Get your smarty-pants to your room RIGHT now", or some other much less flattering phrase! We also had a good laugh together over her remembering that one time two years ago when I wouldn't take her to Rainforest Cafe because the smell there makes me sick when I'm pregnant! I love that she knows me so well!!

And then there's Noah. Can you tell that writing is not his thing? The boy can read like nobody's business (for a kindergartener) but if he never had to write or draw again, that would be fine with him! He would be the star student if there was a grade for finding slugs, disturbing anthills, or killing houseflies with his bare hands. I'll have to translate:

Mom's name is Melnee. (close enough!)

Mom is 30 yrs old. (yep!)

Mom weighs 100 pounds. (OH HOW I WISH)

Mom is 60 inches tall. (He and Maddy must have discussed this beforehand)

Mom wears a size 8 1/2 shoe. (yep!)

Mom's favorite color is pink. (Maddy said yellow, but I do like both colors)

Mom loves to go shopping at Walmart. (Can't believe he didn't say Target. Maddy would've said Target!)

Mom's favorite place to eat out is Las Palmas. (yep!)

Mom likes to buy me toys. (this happens so rarely, but I do enjoy it)

When Mom grows up she wants to be a worker. (??)

Mom loves me because I love her. (He has NO idea.)

Obviously, this is a portrait of me on the left and him on the right. These are the most life-like people he has ever drawn. The boy makes up the most elaborate and creative songs and stories, but sketch artist he is not! I'm so thankful for this picture of me...it's a rare thing coming from him, and thus even more precious!

And finally, Jack's art from Mother's Day Out--I love the fun hand print art they do with those precious little hands (and that his teachers get to clean up the painting mess instead of me!!). Seriously, it's totally worth tuition just to outsource the painting to someone else. I can handle glue, scissors, games, dirt, food and all kinds of kidly messes, but paint just ain't my thang. They do have the cool "dot paints" which they used to make the flowers, so I might have to invest in some of those for the summer because both Jack and Noah LOVE them.

Maybe the paint would be worth it just to get these adorable faces of concentration...

Struggling

I started blogging as a way to express myself, to get my thoughts down, and of course to remind myself of the crazy things my kids do on a daily basis. Somehow, the kids have taken over. It's just easier to write about the fun and funny things they do and say and how I feel about that. This started as a catharsis in my journey through losing Ruby. I kept a journal from the time she died and eventually I quit journaling and began blogging. I sit down at the computer many times and plan to share something personal or what is really on my heart and then I convince myself that I don't have the emotional energy to do that, and that I'm just not in the mood for more seriousness.

I'm so tired. So is everyone else. I feel like God has been giving and giving and giving to me for so long through so many people and I should be so full of Him that it would be evident in my life. And then I look at my life and it's kind of the opposite. I still feel like I'm taking and taking and taking. I can look at this last year or so and see that He has brought me to a different place spiritually, in relationship to Him, than I have ever been before. I see what He has given me, how He has drawn me to Him, how faithful He has been to me even though I've done nothing to deserve it. And I've praised Him for that like never before. I adore Him. He is awesome. When I get to heaven, I'd like some portion of eternity to be spent rockin' my baby Ruby, since I haven't gotten to do that here, but then there's nothing I want more than to sit at His feet in worship. Forever. And ever. It's not that He hasn't brought me a long way. It's just that apparently, I had a really long way to go, because I still feel like I've only taken a baby step toward Him.

And somehow I can't get past the adoration of Him. That's safe. I know He accepts me, enjoys my fellowship (I don't know WHY, but I trust He DOES). It's all the other people in the world that He wants me to serve. I don't wanna. I just want to stay safe in my cocoon I've built, praise Him, get through life. That sounds really bad when I put it like that.

Boy, have I got it backwards! I KNOW in my head that He asks for my first fruits for a reason. Duh! Because that is how I am truly filled so I can pour out to others. I've been trying to give out of my own supplies, and they are just depleted. There's never quite enough. So I know this, but why don't I just do it? I can look back on a thousand times in my life when I put Him first (usually because I was so depleted that I had no other choice), and HELLO...HE IS ALWAYS FAITHFUL! Always. Completely. Faithful.

Always. Completely. Enough.

Enough to bless my husband with the respect and attention he deserves. Enough to mother my children and not just provide daycare. Enough to care for the material blessings which He has made me responsible for now. Enough to be hospitable to my extended family, neighbors, and others God puts in my path. Enough to not see the little bit of missions translating and volunteering at school as burdens, but to see them as the acts of service that they are. Enough to take me out of my little tiny circle of safety and show me ways to serve Him daily through looking beyond myself and my family.

Every few months, my friends and I beat ourselves up for how self-centered and child-centered we've become and how we manage to be "salt and light" to our kids (sometimes) but certainly are not to the world. We wander through our day, rushing to the next event, or spending the day at home with our children dictating everything we do. We justify this by saying that "it's just because our children are young" or "our home IS our mission field"...which are both true. If I served the whole world and ignored my family, I'm pretty sure God would hold me accountable for that oversight. But we beat ourselves up, and then never make any changes. Me included. I have no fresh insights on what to do on a daily basis to get out of my kid-rut. I just SO want for my children to at least see me trying to get out of my "comfort zone" and live like I really believe and trust and have faith in what Jesus tells us. He doesn't give me a "get out of jail free card" on being a mom. He asks me to be a servant. To give. And then to give some more. And to have faith that He will provide. He will fill me back up when I am depleted. But not so I can sit around and enjoy being full, but so that I can praise Him for His faithfulness and then give it all away again.

So how can I do that? I know no one else can answer specifically for me. I'm asking Him this too, privately, because I know He will show me what He wants from me right now. But does anyone else struggle with this or have any ideas?

Strep

I was just telling Aunt Maggie how thankful I was (and still am) that we had fared pretty well this flu season and all been pretty healthy.

So it only makes sense that today poor Madeline woke up with strep. And in case I have fooled you into believing I am a decent mother and my life is all snow cream and hot chocolate, let me just say that I sent her to school. Yes, her throat hurt and I did nothing but check her forehead (with my hand, not a thermometer or anything), declare she did not have a fever, give her motrin for the discomfort, and send her on to school.

It took less than 30 minutes for her to convince the sub that she needed to go see Nurse Beth, her new best friend. Now, we had a spell recently where Madeline went to Nurse Beth daily complaining of her ear hurting. It was obviously nothing, because we never got a note home about it, and she never mentioned her ear hurting to me AT ALL. We finally did get a note home saying Madeline was coming in almost daily, so maybe we should take her to the doctor. I mentioned this option to Madeline, and she immediately asked if there would be a shot involved. I might have told her that that was a good possibility. Miraculously, the mysterious ear pain stopped. Amazing. Noah had also been complaining about his ear hurting, but only on days when he had music...we finally learned he was scared of the wolf from "Peter and the Wolf". Seriously. We have issues.

So Nurse Beth called at about 8:15 saying that Madeline did not have fever, but did have very swollen and red tonsils and I probably should have her checked for strep, since apparently this year, strep does not include a fever. So I called the pediatrician's office and they said to come on in. I had failed to mention the part about "they're going to stick a swab on the back of your throat that's already sore to check for strep". She was not pleased. There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth. But reason finally prevailed. Then my 64 pound baby girl curled up in my lap as we waited for results. The rapid test was positive, so then I felt like I should explain to my pediatrician why any decent mother would send her child to school, at this time of year, if her throat hurt. But I was too busy keeping Jack from eating his Cheerios off the floor. Because it's one thing to eat Cheerios off OUR floor, where the dirt and grime may be days weeks months old, but at least it is generally related to us. It's a whole 'nother ballgame to eat Cheerios off the floor at the doctors' office, where the dirt and grime are much fresher, but also totally unrelated to us.

So, no school today or tomorrow for her. After a trip to Sonic, because we are fancy, to get a chocolate milkshake for her (she was sure that would help A LOT) and 2 bags of ice for me, a luxury (at $1.29 a bag) I only afford myself when I'm pregnant and crave crunchable ice, (and maybe also a 99cent b/c it was before 10 am diet Dr Pepper, also for me) things looked a little better. For all of us. And if the talk of Sonic has made you thirsty, don't forget the 1/2 price drinks and slushes from 2p-4p everyday. That's my public service announcement for today.

That, and also: Don't drink peppermint tea you made for your daughter whose throat was sore but you thought it was nothing and she didn't like the tea, so you just finished it yourself because, really, who would let a hot cup of peppermint tea go to waste? I probably should start the antibiotics now, huh?

My Valentine

**The longest post ever...if not longer. But worth it because my husband rocks!**

If Jared had bet me $100 yesterday that he would have Madeline *asking* to try peanut butter, pepperoni and cheese TOGETHER on a saltine, I would have absolutely taken him up on it. There's NO way. She's not THE pickiest eater ever, but she definitely does NOT have an adventurous palate. And, until today, she doesn't like pepperoni. Or her foods mixed together.

And yet, somehow, he made it happen. I was in the bed feeling pretty lousy (lousy enough to send everyone to church without me, which is rare). Jared and the kids had just gotten home from church. I had thought if I just rested the first hour they were gone, I would feel up to fixing some very minor lunch by the time they got back. But I did not. And due to my poor household management, we had no bread, no milk, no macaroni & cheese, no fast and easy meals. And no more "eat out" money until the 15th. But I was laying in the bed, feeling yuck, wondering how long it would take Jared to realize the food situation, get mad at me for my poor planning, and then fuss at the kids (because he couldn't fuss at me, I was sick). In my mind, it was going to be a rough afternoon.

You would think I would know better. After he had them pick up their rooms (we get out of church early, 10:30, home by 10:40, so this was not punishment or child neglect) and the playroom, I heard Madeline making the usual "daddy's-gotta-cook" meal suggestions...pb&j, bologna sandwiches, hot dogs, microwave mac & cheese, cereal...and Jared searching through the cabinets for non-existent ingredients to any one of these. No luck. But he was still using his "patient voice", so I was impressed. No sarcastic comments about his baby's mama...so far, so good. Then I hear him say, "Well, we have crackers, let's see what else could go with them?" They found peanut butter, pepperoni, and sliced cheese. While he took these to the table, Madeline said she didn't think that looked like enough crackers for all of them. I cringed. I, already annoyed by the lack of edible food for Sunday lunch, would probably have told her she could hush and eat or keep talking and go to her room. But instead, my precious husband said, still in his patient voice, "Why don't you and Noah figure out how many crackers you need if you are each going to have 4 cracker sandwiches with a top and a bottom", and left them to their crackers. What??!! A math lesson??!! You turned Madeline's daily-required mealtime complaints into a math lesson??!!

A couple of minutes later, they'd correctly figured out that they needed a total of 24 crackers for all 3 kids to have 4 (made up of 2) crackers. Yippee! I was grinning. Next, he put the few topping choices on the table and asked them, one at a time, what they wanted on their crackers. I think I fell asleep during part of this, or just couldn't hear, I can't remember, but then I vividly remember hearing Madeline princess say, "I wonder how it would taste with peanut butter and pepperoni?" Really...with no threats. If I had even suggested peanut butter mixed with ANYTHING other than jelly, she would have gone into orbit. But it was her idea, so it worked. Jared, sounding a little surprised, made her a peanut butter-pepperoni cracker, and SHE ATE IT. Now, since it had been her suggestion, even if it had made her gag, her stubborn self would have oohed and aahed over how tasty it was. But it sounded like she did actually kind of like it. So everyone peacefully ate their gourmet saltine cracker lunch.

Then Noah asked for dessert. As if we ever eat dessert. They get snacks that are sweet sometimes, but we never eat dessert. Not that dessert could really make a meal of saltines, peanut butter, pepperoni, and cheese any LESS nutritionally sound. I figured that request was Jared's cue to send the kids away from the table to go have "quiet time" in their rooms (as is typical for Sunday afternoon after lunch). No, he played a guessing game with them to figure out what dessert would be. A guessing game. He made it fun. He made ONE oatmeal crem.e pie, split four ways (because that's all we had left), exciting because they played a guessing game. Seriously. And that's not all, folks. He made it into a fractions lesson by having Noah show him how to divide it evenly 4 ways. I kid you not. And they were more in love with him for fixing them a lunch of saltines with 1/4 of an oatmeal creme pie for dessert than if he'd bought out the toy store. Frankly, so was I.

So let me just say: I love you, Jared. Just when I think that because I am overwhelmed, you must be, too, you come through with a day like that. Lunch, math, and a cleaned up house...sometimes you are just too much. I love you and I think you've found my love language. Loving our passel of kids. You are the coolest man ever...if not cooler.