Not Me! Monday

Time once again to take a look at what for sure did not happen in my world this week! Head over to MckMama’s and read more Not Me! tales…

This week I did not agree to start writing a column for a women’s group on Facebook that I’m a part of. Nope, that would be crazy. And I certainly do not have NO idea what I’ll write about this week, or even what this column is going to be in general. And I’m definitely not confessing this on my blog now so that members of said group will now know how clueless I really am! Obviously, I’m totally capable and confident in this venture. I’m not absolutely inadequate and I’m surely not just going to have to totally trust God to lend me some inspiration here!

I have not been so overwhelmed by this precious Mother’s Day gift Jared gave me that I can’t even process it, so I haven’t been trying my best not to get emotional and fall apart. I was not so emotional Thursday night when he surprised me with it early {not because my mama and brother and sister were there} that I totally forgot to even thank him because all I could do was sit there and try not to totally lose it.

This is a family necklace he got me after Ruby was born, showing 2 parents with 4 children, but he had a jeweler add a RUBY to it, to represent ALL of us. And even more precious that the ruby is right on the daddy’s heart. To say I kinda love it is like saying the grass is kinda green right now in southcentral KY!

I was not giddy with excitement when my friend, Sarah K, after hearing me comment on a friend’s teenage daughter who is the spitting image of her at that age, told me that Maddy would someday be my spitting image. I also do not love love love Maddy’s hair and her gorgeously shaped mouth.

Okay, maybe she already looks a little bit like me!

I did not make approximately 12 trips to 3 different Walmarts this week {okay, only 6} because I did not make any lists for anything and just went whenever I thought of something else I needed. I also did not stop by the town where baby Georgia {and her lovely parents} lives, without having called her lovely parents beforehand, only to find out they weren’t home! And then I did not proceed to drive around that town {where we used to live}, amazed at all the changes, for no less than 2 hours without actually going anywhere! Gas isn’t that cheap!

I did not take this picture fully intending to someday have an entire series of “brothers kissing Maddy” pictures…because I have one of my brothers kissing me like this at my wedding. I also did not make my sister-in-law get one taken with her brothers kissing her at her wedding! And Maddy and I did not spend several minutes plotting how to arrange it next time so that all three of her brothers can be in the picture :)

And since you’re dying to know, of course, Noah will be behind her kissing the top of her head and Luke will be kissing the cheek. Oh but wait, she forgot that she absolutely hates when her brothers do this! Can’t you tell??

Not Me! Mondays are back!

They're baaaaaack! Now that MckMuffin and MckMama are home, Not Me! Mondays have returned. So join me in being brutally honest and living to tell about it!

I absolutely, most certainly, without a doubt did NOT. . .

. . . listen to "The Ten Commandment Boogie" on a sampler kids DVD I bought at Lifeway for 75 cents and laugh uncontrollably for two hours ten minutes forty-five full seconds after hearing, for commandment #7, "Seven feels like heaven, but only with your husband or wife"!

. . . eat chocolate cake (followed by a piece of Easter candy) with Jack for breakfast this morning! I'm more health-conscious than that! And by health-conscious, I mean that if there are any unhealthy foods in the house, I am constantly conscious of them. And cannot rest until they are consumed.

. . . let little Lukey (almost 11 mos) eat about 10 bites of my pb&j sandwich last night before remembering (he's the fourth child, for crying out loud) that nuts are a no-no under age one, so really it's only one month off two, so I'm a year and a month early. I guess I can now say that he does not have a nut allergy. I also did not let him eat a baleada on his own and get it in most every nook and cranny he could find, and then document it in pictures because he is just that cute! . . . help my hilarious husband record the gradual shaving of his winter beard in photographs and video clips (some of which will certainly be used against him at some point in the future because they are THAT funny). He did not wrestle rope wrangle the kids into his Tombstone-esque hilarity and end up with a picture like this:

Not Me! Monday

It's Monday again! Time to 'fess up! Join MckMama and many others as we tell on ourselves again this week. The truth will set you free!

I did not get bent out of shape yesterday when I realized how pitiful Luke's gums looked, even though this is the fourth child who has cut their top teeth and I should know that they always look bad as they break through. No, I did not attempt to take pictures of his gums with Jared's work phone with plans of emailing them to our dentist (who happens to be our good friend and father of 3) who is skiing right now. Can you even imagine what fun they would have had laughing at me being so paranoid about BABY TEETH?? Goodness sakes.

I definitely did not let THIS CHILD hold Luke!

It did not just now finally occur to me to bathe Luke with the big boys. And he totally, completely, absolutely did not love it, as you can clearly see here from the sheer excitement on his face!

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did not spend most of my week feeding this cutie-pie baby Tylenol and Orajel because he's working on cutting his top front teeth.

I am not totally and completely in love with those two bottom teeth he already has.

And you know I did not let him use his own cutie-pie toes as teethers, right?

Even if it made him this ridiculously happy?

I also did not take pictures of my drooly, teething cutie-pie while loads of laundry sat un-folded on the couch. Nope! Not us!!

"Not Me!" Monday (or Tuesday, whatever)

Time once again for "Not Me!" Monday, courtesy of the coolest mother of MSC* that I know**, the one and only MckMama! Please jump on over there, share some of your own insanity honesty, and then allow me to not confess share some of the events of our week...

First of all, it is not true that all of the things I'm listing have actually happened in the last 72 hours because I cannot remember anything AT ALL that happened before that.

So, wouldn't you agree that a fourth time mom (technically 5th, but she's already been successfully mothered!) would know better than to leave Valentine's chocolates within reach of the 8 month old super-stealthy crawler/puller-upper/cruiser/climber who has just this week discovered that he really, really likes to eat (other than mommy's milk)? Of course she would! That's why I so did not let Luke get a foil-wrapped Spiderman chocolate off the couch (because what responsible parent leaves chocolate on the couch? NOT ME!) and put the entire thing in his mouth. He then did not sit perfectly still, in awe of the awesomeness that was in his mouth, while said non-existent chocolate melted and oozed out of the foil until nothing was left except the foil. His Memaw was not at all the only adult in the house paying attention and did most certainly not alert said fourth-time mom to the fact that her baby was eating chocolate. I did not then walk over, sweep the foil from his little slobbery mouth, and proceed to thank God that he did not swallow the foil. Surely I did not then giggle for the rest of the day at the fact that he LOVED the chocolate and that it was a pretty cute and fitting, although accidental, Valentine's gift to him!

And of course I took this as a reminder to be more cautious about things left around that he could put in his mouth, because AS SOON AS we got home from Memaw's, I did not put Luke down on the floor while I unloaded the Valentine's loot, only to have him crawl back to me 2 minutes later with an orange mouth, reeking of Dorito! Because you should know by now that I am not the kind of mother who would have missed the fact that Noah was eating Doritos earlier in the den (because my children always obey and always only eat in the kitchen!), leaving pieces on the floor. So, to sum up this Valentine's Day, the baby was not introduced to 2 different categories of junk food! Not in this house!!

Jared did (really!) take Madeline to a father/daughter Valentine's dance on Friday night. Afterwards, he let her choose a restaurant for dinner and she chose a seafood place named after a colorful crustacean. However, the Friday before Valentine's Day meant a 50 minute wait at 7:30 pm, so they opted for a different restaurant which she also likes. She was disappointed, but handled it well. Sooo... when Noah ended up spending the night with a friend on Sunday and Memaw offered to take Madeline and Jack for the night, we did not wait until after dropping off said children to go eat at that same seafood place named after a colorful crustacean with only the baby in tow. Without mentioning it to the big kids, of course. We are not that mean!

While mopping this week (I know, I know, shock and awe that I was mopping!)--Swiffering, actually--I didn't even let Luke chase the mop around because it helped dry the floor faster while also providing him hours minutes of giggle-inducing entertainment!

And on Sunday night at church, I did not willingly confess to Valerie, after Luke dropped his paci on the floor and she returned it to me, that I frequently put toys back in the diaper bag that have fallen on the floor with the express purpose of appearing to have some modicum of decency, when in reality, I totally plan to pull it back out for them in a few minutes without cleaning it. I would not do such a thing NOR would I admit to it if I did!

I sure am glad none of THAT happened to me this week!


*many small children
**I don't really know her but I have her blog in Google Reader, and I may or may not be a stalker capable of winning a MckMama blog trivia contest were such a thing to exist

Not Me! Monday

It's Monday again! Head over to MckMama's to check out all of the things that most certainly were not done this week!

If you know me at all, you know that we for sure did not keep our pajamas on all day long! No, we always dress for success around here.

And while we were at Walmart this week, of course I did not let Jack talk me into buying Batman and Superman pajamas (with a cape attached for cryin' outloud!) for baby Luke!

And what kind of mother would let her 7 month old crawl around the house in nothing but his diaper when it is 2 degrees outside? Not me, that's who! And my couch did not spend most of the week covered in laundry. Nope, NOT ME! And a not-naked crawling baby Luke totally did not pull down as many of the folded clothes as he could reach and drop them on the floor or back in the basket. Nope, not us! We don't do silly stuff like that around here.

I also would never allow that same crawling baby to open the cabinet and pull out and chew on the kids' DVDs. That would be so irresponsible. And if I did do that, which of course I didn't, I would not continue chatting on Facebook while he did it. And I for sure would not update my Facebook status to admit that I was letting him do that or that I thought it was both cute and funny. Nope.
And for real, y'all, I would not run outside in my sock feet because I am too lazy to put on shoes and snap a quick picture of the barn in the snow. Which would mean that my feet would also not have been in the snow. That would just be crazy!
Finally, I most certainly, absolutely, totally and completely do NOT love this picture of my two oldest reading the Bible together (of their own free will)!

"Not Me!" Monday

I've enjoyed MckMama's blog for a while now, and love her "Not Me!" Mondays, where she describes things she most certainly did not do this week. I thought I would join in this week because there are several things that for sure did not happen to me!

First, I'll start off with something someone else for sure did not do...Jared absolutely did not let one of the wild barn cats into our house the other night while the kids were asleep! Nope, that would never happen here. And then that cat definitely did not hide under several pieces of furniture while we tried to trap him/her. I'm absolutely certain that Jared didn't say, "And that's how Jared got rabies!" right before the cat headed my way, and my response to that was not to squeal and back away from the cat, swatting at it and allowing it to crawl under yet another piece of furniture. Nope, not us. We've got it together here.

Well, that wasn't too bad.

You must also know that Jack most assuredly did not get his hands on a *childproof* lighter while I thought he was napping. And there is no way he got it to light for just long enough to leave TWO burn marks on the (vinyl) window shade in our bedroom. It's also not at all possible that this is genetically inherited from my side of the family, because my baby brother did not EVER take a lighter and hairspray and severely burn the mini-blinds in his room while we were living at home. Nope, not in my family. We are SOOOOO above things like that.

Even though Jack totally did not burn the blinds, if he had, I for sure, being the supermom that I most assuredly am, would not spank him and leave him in his room for the rest of the afternoon. And there's no way I would just totally ignore him because I was a little afraid of what I might do to him. Nope, not me. If anyone, hypothetically, had any suggestions for how they would deal with such a child, they could feel free to leave a comment about it. Not that I would need it, because none of this could ever happen in my house! And I did not tell the little mister that his daddy would deal with him when he got home. And I did not NOT tell his daddy what happened on the phone so he could have some time to prepare himself before he got home. And I most certainly am not hoping like crazy that Jared has some genius parenting trick up his sleeve to deal with this problem, because I do not have absolutely no idea what to do. Good thing, because that would be a tough situation! Whew! Glad it's NOT ME!!

See, that was totally not so bad!