Tuesday, September 29, 2009
It's a Jack E World
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Life, Interrupted
And on Labor Day of 2006, our world stopped spinning. 24 weeks growing strong...interrupted. No heartbeat. Our baby Ruby was gone. Two days later, the earthly tent that would have been her was born to us, and we spent 6 precious hours holding her before we let her go. One year later, I would write these words:
Your kicking and growing...
I knew you, felt you,
loved you, wanted you...
weeks of feeling miserable, knowing it would be worth it...
couldn't quit the caffeine, though, brothers and sister to keep up with...
too busy to stop and enjoy,
to watch my belly roll...
to realize you'd fallen still...
The world keeps turning for everyone else…
mine is still…
still…
And as is the normal course in life, days and weeks of stillness slowly gave way to moving, doing, speaking, praying...breathing. That silent desperation, of feeling Him in each breath as He momentarily broke the utter stillness, of being completely dependent on Him to wake me up each morning and get me out of bed, slowly gave way to a new normal. As the hurt began to heal, I began to become more self-reliant again. There is a part of me that longs for the day when I will not only be reunited with my Ruby, my treasure laid up in heaven, but that also longs to live every breath in and for Him, this time without interruption, without tears and heartache. Lord Jesus, interrupt us soon!
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Jack, already this morning
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
He ROCKS!
...enjoys building science labs and rocket ships...
...and fighting aliens...
...and catching toads and identifying "slug trails".
...lives on meat, peanuts and cheese. No bread for him, give the boy his PROTEIN!
...is excited to be a 2nd grader!
...has a very tender heart and usually responds strongly to the slightest punishment.
...is a reading machine! {brag alert: He recently tested above a 4th grade reading level! However, his handwriting? Not so much!}
...frequently says, "Rock on!", "Yo, dude!" and "Awesome!" {because he has watched too many episodes of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles} and lately poses like this when I turn the camera on him:
...cannot sleep without a prayer and "Sweet dreams!" whispered before bed.
...is a great helper to Daddy, working with the cattle and keeping the farm looking good.
...loves to read the Old Testament--it started with reading the story of Noah, but he has kept reading and really knows a LOT of the Old Testament well, totally on his own.
...has perhaps the cutest crooked grin and random dimples EVER! Love you, Noah-boy!
He knows not what he says
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
8.11.09 Mommy Moments
Jack: {already in the midst of throwing a tantrum for reasons unknown} But I'm not done throwing my fit! Just leave me alone!!
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I know you're thinking, "That is so like a four year old!" And it is. Unfortunately, all too often, it's so like this 31 year old. In fact, THE NIGHT BEFORE, I read this quote from "Me, Myself, and Lies" by Jennifer Rothschild, p 35:
"We give Satan the greatest weapons he uses against us: bitterness and unforgiveness. Pause and ask God if you would benefit from forgiving someone...or yourself?"
And responded this way [seriously, yall, I WROTE this in my Bible study book. I am just that mature.]: "I want to but I'm not finished throwing my baby fit. SO MATURE."
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So God has been using many people {including my own 4 yr old} to step all over my toes this week about a couple of issues I need to address in my life. None of them are huge, except that I've been letting them be a foothold for Satan to sneak his way into my life. After periods of feeling like He had nothing to say to me, I'm trying to be grateful for the bloodied toes. But they do make it kind of hard to walk sometimes...
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"The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of GRACE and TRUTH...For the law was given through Moses; GRACE and TRUTH came through Jesus Christ." John 1:14, 17 (emphasis mine)
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing Darling
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
He's into the details...
Monday, July 27, 2009
Praying for Stellan
Friday, June 19, 2009
6.16.09 Mommy Moments
{Picture proud Mommy, thrilled to hear my four-year-old "tell me the story of Jesus"}
"One day in the morning, I picked up my room and cleaned the dishes and picked up the laundry. Then, a book was broken and I fixed it with tape. I tested it and it worked-ed. Then, one of the toys was broken and I fixed it with tools. And I squished *all* the flies. The end."
{At this point, I wonder what happened to the story about Jesus, but I'm thankful it's at least a story about helping instead of being scared monsters...AGAIN. And then, out of the same little mouth that not ten minutes prior had been saying things like, "Noah, you are a stink-brain", he spoke with faith like a child:}
"Mommy, wasn’t that a great story? I did ALL your chores."
"Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed." Isaiah 53:4-5
Thursday, June 4, 2009
It just had to be said
Monday, June 1, 2009
Nothing but the Blood of Jesus
At 10:00 this morning, the nurse taking care of Laura called me saying, "I've got good news." She said, "I think you're going to like what I have to tell you." She said that on her way in to work this morning she had prayed all the way for Laura and that when she got there Laura had taken a shower, gotten dressed, put on her make-up, and fixed her hair. She said that Laura had told her that she wanted strawberries, bananas, grapefruit, wheat triscuit and a marble cake with whipped chocolate icing like she had on her birthday. I said, "You've got to be kidding!" "You've got to be kidding!" She said, "No, I'm not." "Would you like to talk to Laura?" I said, "No way." She said, "Here she is." Then I said, "Laura Ellen!!!" She said, "Hi mom." I could not believe it. She proceeded to tell me what the nurse had told me she had said she wanted. This is a very long story I'm giving you the abridged version to but I just had to tell you at least this much.
Clinton and I were in disbelief--reluctantly optimistic. So at 2:00 Clinton went to see for himself. He says she is leaps and bounds improved. Even the nurses are amazed. He said he thanked them for letting her "put them through hell." They have been unbelievably patient with her. Never have I heard them complain--not even once. They just say this is what we do. Some of them have done it for over twenty years and they want to.
My sisters yesterday at 5:00 three of us went to pray over Laura. At 2:00 a.m. I called and Laura was violently screaming to the top of her lungs and had had to be moved to another room because she was so violent she pulled the shower head out of the wall. Sometime around that same time I started writing a message, and my friend woke up to find Jeremiah 40:4 which says, "But today I am freeing you from the chains on your wrists." She believed LAURA (THE CAPTIVE) HAD BEEN SET FREE!!! and my sisters she had. As we were praying over Laura I sang the song, "What Can Wash Away My Sins? Nothing But the Blood of Jesus." "What can make me whole again? Nothing but the Blood of Jesus." Today my sisters, the song Wes led during communion was "What Can Wash Away My Sins?" "Nothing but the blood of Jesus." I looked at clinton and he just looked back at me.
If Laura could only comprehend just a fraction of the good her illness has caused she would be in disbelief. I can't imagine what she would do if she knew the rest of the story.God is in control. His timing is perfect. He never makes a mistake. God is good all the time. All the time God is good.
Through all of this, God has been glorified and that is important to me--more important than my prayer being answered just the way I want. Even if I disagree with His answer and my situation, the important thing is God being glorified. Years ago while in the throes of depression I realized what Hebrews 11:6 meant. "But without faith it is impossible to please God: for anyone who comes to God must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who diligently seek Him." After really "getting" this verse I gave God permission to do nothing. I realized that He could do anything He wanted, whether I agreed with him or not. Basically, He could do anything, even though I had given him permission to do nothing. I simply had to believe that He existed and that He would reward me if I diligently sought him. Period. It was at that moment that I gave God permission to be God. My job was to glorify Him. That is what I hope I have done thus far and what I will continue to do in the future. My heart's only desire is to glorify God.
"God does not require of us to have able bodies" is a quote I memorized long ago. It was significant to me, beause I didn't have one. I still don't. If I had to wait to glorify God until my body was able I would never glorify Him. That is why glorifying Him regardless of the situation is so significant to me. Even though Laura's body has been shackled her ability to glorify God has not. Even in her deepest hour, God through Laura brought me the verse that comforted me in my deepest hour. She glorified Him. I pray that by fleshing out the verse "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions are new every morning; great is your faithfulness" I glorified Him also. [Just before being hospitalized, Laura chose this verse for our group's weekly meditation, not knowing what a strength it would be to her mom and all of the rest of us while she was going through all of this.]
The difference between 9 and 7
The difference between 7 and 4
Noah: Jack, guess which superhero I am…
Jack: Uh, I don't know.
Noah: He's a DC Comics hero.
Jack: What's DC?
Noah: It's the people who make some of the characters. You know, like Spiderman is Marvel?
Jack: [blank stare]
Noah: Okay, here's another hint, he's the leader of Robin.
Jack: Robin!
Noah: No, he's the *leader* of Robin. Not the *answer* is Robin.
Jack: You mean Robin?
Noah: Uhhhhh! Okay, he has a foe named Joker.
Jack: What does "foe" mean?
Noah: "Foe" means someone who's bad and versus the good guy. {Can he verb the word "versus"?}
Jack: Oh, Joker!
Noah: No, his *foe* is Joker. Not the *answer* is Joker!
Jack: It's Joker!
Noah: Come on, Jack, he's the leader of Robin, he has a foe named Joker, and he's active at night.
Jack: You mean Robin's active at night? Or Joker's active at night.
Noah: Jack, his name starts with Bat and ends with Man.
Jack: Ummm….Joker!
Noah: No, it's Cat Woman, come on! {He's obviously inherited his daddy's sarcasm!}
Jack: Oh, Cat Woman! That's what I thought!
Noah: Uhhhhh! Jack, it's not Cat Woman. Is she the leader of Robin? No. He has pointy ears like this…boom!
Jack: Cat Woman!
Noah: HE, Jack, HE has pointy ears! Cat Woman is a SHE, not a HE! Here, I'll show you this action figure that looks like him…[holds up Batman figure] See?
Jack: OH, you mean Batman?!
Noah: Yes! You got it right, Jack! Great job!
Friday, May 29, 2009
Praying for Laura
Much of the rest of my time has been spent praying for a friend, Laura, who is very ill and hospitalized, suffering from hypermania. She is literally fighting for her life, and her husband {of less than two years--he could use some extra prayers} and parents are seeking guidance in getting her the best care possible so that she can "turn the corner" and come out of this. She has not slept in thirteen plus days, except for a few short bursts, and her mind will not slow down. She is a danger to herself and has had to be shackled once. The nurses are on guard at all times.
I am embarrassingly naive about spiritual warfare, but I cannot help but believe {as does her mother, at the least} that there is a war going on in her. Maybe not for her soul, because I do know that the Bible says we are "sealed with the Holy Spirit", but for her mind and body. And it seems that the more fiercely she is prayed for, and there are thousands praying for her, the more desperate Satan becomes and the more he throws her way. We are trusting that God has the victory! But that saying about "waiting is the hardest part"? Totally true.
Wild Olive Tees
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
One of those days
Have you ever had one of those days where you went to bed relieved that your house is so totally clean much cleaner than the disaster area it usually is that you actually think you might just manage to keep it that way for more than a few hours minutes?
And then on that very next morning, your husband takes the 2 school-age kids to school without waking you up? And before he leaves, he sets the preschooler up with marathon episodes of educational programming Scooby Doo?
And by some miracle the baby sleeps until 7:00 8:00 9:00? And what are the chances that said preschooler would be quiet and not wake you up asking for a snack, a drink, to help him in the bathroom, to exclaim that Scooby just said, “Ruh-roh!” and isn’t that soooo funny!?
And so after sleeping until NINE in the morning, and waking up to a relatively clean house, and realizing that there is a strange glow streaming in your windows that has not been there for several weeks {hello, sun!}, could you even imagine that both of your boys would take simultaneous naps from 11am-1pm?
Then during that magical 11am-1pm timeframe, you have the luxury of checking email and reading blogs, while eating the last of the delicious tabouli leftover from the weekend {that no one else in the family would touch with a ten foot pole! score!}?
And then you even have time for a nice uninterrupted phone conversation with your husband while he is eating his lunch in his car because it’s nice outside and there’s nowhere else at his office to eat outside?
And then you sit down to do your meditation for today {in peace and quiet, which is kind of important when trying to, you know, meditate} and are totally blessed by studying a single word {praise} for no less than a whole hour?
Have you ever had one of those days where even though your day was surprisingly relaxing and wonderful, you still have no idea what to write about for your first “Mommy Moments” post*?
No? *blush* Umm, me neither…
*If you’re a woman who is on Facebook, please join us in The Titus 2 Group, led by Teresa Kimbel! This was my first “contribution” to the group.
Not Me! Monday
Time once again to take a look at what for sure did not happen in my world this week! Head over to MckMama’s and read more Not Me! tales…
This week I did not agree to start writing a column for a women’s group on Facebook that I’m a part of. Nope, that would be crazy. And I certainly do not have NO idea what I’ll write about this week, or even what this column is going to be in general. And I’m definitely not confessing this on my blog now so that members of said group will now know how clueless I really am! Obviously, I’m totally capable and confident in this venture. I’m not absolutely inadequate and I’m surely not just going to have to totally trust God to lend me some inspiration here!
I have not been so overwhelmed by this precious Mother’s Day gift Jared gave me that I can’t even process it, so I haven’t been trying my best not to get emotional and fall apart. I was not so emotional Thursday night when he surprised me with it early {not because my mama and brother and sister were there} that I totally forgot to even thank him because all I could do was sit there and try not to totally lose it.
This is a family necklace he got me after Ruby was born, showing 2 parents with 4 children, but he had a jeweler add a RUBY to it, to represent ALL of us. And even more precious that the ruby is right on the daddy’s heart. To say I kinda love it is like saying the grass is kinda green right now in southcentral KY!
I was not giddy with excitement when my friend, Sarah K, after hearing me comment on a friend’s teenage daughter who is the spitting image of her at that age, told me that Maddy would someday be my spitting image. I also do not love love love Maddy’s hair and her gorgeously shaped mouth.
Okay, maybe she already looks a little bit like me!
I did not make approximately 12 trips to 3 different Walmarts this week {okay, only 6} because I did not make any lists for anything and just went whenever I thought of something else I needed. I also did not stop by the town where baby Georgia {and her lovely parents} lives, without having called her lovely parents beforehand, only to find out they weren’t home! And then I did not proceed to drive around that town {where we used to live}, amazed at all the changes, for no less than 2 hours without actually going anywhere! Gas isn’t that cheap!
I did not take this picture fully intending to someday have an entire series of “brothers kissing Maddy” pictures…because I have one of my brothers kissing me like this at my wedding. I also did not make my sister-in-law get one taken with her brothers kissing her at her wedding! And Maddy and I did not spend several minutes plotting how to arrange it next time so that all three of her brothers can be in the picture :)
And since you’re dying to know, of course, Noah will be behind her kissing the top of her head and Luke will be kissing the cheek. Oh but wait, she forgot that she absolutely hates when her brothers do this! Can’t you tell??